New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
