i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
