my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
