Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
