I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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