i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
