i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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