I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
