covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
