Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
