he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So squirting runs in the family.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
