so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
