You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
