your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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