what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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