im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
