White coat. Heels.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
