I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
vagina is talking i cant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
