So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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