Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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