this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
