R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
