i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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