Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
