some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
