he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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