I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
