epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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