You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
