I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
