after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
