I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
