if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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