I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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