Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
