He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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