I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
