This is not my ceiling
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
