Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is Oprah even human
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
