So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
