I'm going to jail i love you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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