Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
