the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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