So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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