so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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