You really coming over, don't trick.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
