just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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