it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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