a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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