I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
